Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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