I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
