i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
