I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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