If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
