Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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