Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
