may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
