We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
