That's when you crack a 10am beer
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
