I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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