I need help removing her.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
