just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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