id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
