were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
