If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
