theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize