i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
