we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
