He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
