I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize