ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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