i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
