Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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