Got a toothbrush?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
