i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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