I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
