I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How external is "for external use only"?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
