Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
