I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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