why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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