I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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