I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
