Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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