you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
