Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
