we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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