I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
how drunk are you?
Several
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
