don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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