I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
