dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
