His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
