Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
