Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we have pet lesbian snakes
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
