you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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