Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
