WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize