Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
