I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
