Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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