We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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