your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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