this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
