we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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