Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize