Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this boner is exhausting
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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