I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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