Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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