I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
