By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
