I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
