Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
