Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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