She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
