Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it glows. i had to have it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
