I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
