she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
