I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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