i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
