____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
