I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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