So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
