There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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