textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize