Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
