I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
