I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
