Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
