Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
